Bruce's
Journal
Entries
Wednesday
Psalm 54:4
Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.
God gives me strength. He is the one who helps me to get through everything that happens.
Monday, August 18, 2003
All that matters is God. No matter whats happening to me, He is always there. I think people should just try to live their life for Him and nothing else. Look up 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 and 1 Corinthians 13:13 to see what I mean. What I got out of those verses is that no matter what good or bad things youre going through, they will give you strength and perseverance to survive through what is ahead. Also, there are three things you can always count on, and thats faith, hope, and love. So anytime anything happens to you, always thank God for it and remember to be content with all circumstances, the good and the bad
1 Corinthians 4:4
"My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. "
You should not judge a person that you do not know very well. It is not your place to be the judge. It's God's place. A person cannot merely be judged by first impressions.
Sunday, September 7, 2003
I just got off the phone with one of my friends and we were talking about stereotypes that people have for you when you are in middle school and high school. Like people are always like, Hes a punk and hes a Goth. Shes a prep and hes a jock. It really makes me mad because they judge people just because of the clothes they are wearing and not by their personalities. Some people try to fit themselves into categories just because they want to fit in or be different. But the truth is, they arent being different. For example, if someone wants to be a punk just because they want to be different, they are just being like all the other punks. If you want to be different, dont let people put you into a category or a stereotype. Just be yourself. Thats why I try my hardest not to be in a category and just try to be myself. I have asked a lot of people and they all say they cant put me into a stereotype because I hang out with everyone and dont wear any certain type of clothing. I just wear what I like and what is comfortable. I listen to rock n roll, but Im not a punk or a Goth. Every now and then I wear Old Navy but Im not a prep. I am just me. I think that no one should judge other people by what they wear or do. People should not be called preps, posers, Goths, jocks, punks, etc. They should just be individuals and not be put into a stereotype. So if anyone ever calls you any of those names, just tell them I am just me. I hope everyone understands what Im saying here. Look up 1 Corinthians 4:3-5. It is a really good verse and relates to what Im saying
Saturday, September 13, 2003
To be nobodybutyourself in a world that is doing its best to make you somebodyelse is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.---e.e. cummings
Monday
Job 10:12
You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit.
God will always be with me no matter what happens. God created me and he watches over me. Everything that happens, happens for a reason.
Wednesday, October 8, 2003
The fall retreat was amazing. It made me realize that all the things that are happening to me do not amount to anything compared to what Gods love can give me. I also learned to be content with everything because everything that happens is a part of Gods will and I should just be grateful that I am apart of that will. A few verses that really spoke to me this weekend were Philippians 4:11-13. They are awesome verses and I encourage all of you to read them
Tuesday, December 2, 2003
"I think I want to be a missionary. I know some of you probably think I'm joking but I'm completely serious. I can't think of anything more fulfilling in life than that. I think I would love to do it and I really feel like God is calling me to something great with my life"
1 Peter 1:13
Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace be given to you when Jesus Christ is revealed.
To me these verses meant do not worry about what is going to happen to you on this Earth. Live your life for Christ because when you're in heaven you're there forever.
Monday, January 26, 2004
"Well, I've got a lot on my mind so I'm going to pour it out. No longer should I or anyone else conform to the world and its desire. That is not the path God would choose for us to take. We should all realize that the only role we should follow in this world is being a disciple and worshiper of God, because the earth and all that inhabits it will crumble but the Kingdom of Christ will remain eternal. In the end, you will not be standing before the throne of your friends, role models, or even your family, but before God's throne. When all has abandoned you and it seems like there is no hope, He and His love will be there. When it seems like every part of your life is ebbing away, He and His love will be there.
No matter what the case, He and His love will be there, and that is the one thing that you will always be able to rely on."
Monday, February 9, 2004
"Wow. If there is one thing in life that is just mind-blowing, it's loveLike the love of God. Like I said, love is just mind-blowing. I honestly believe that if everyone loved each other the world would be such a better place. And I don't mean just going around saying we love each other. I mean REAL love. I guess there is a place like that, and it's called heaven. 1 Corinthians 13:13--"And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love."
Well it is 11:11 on February something or another and I'm listenin to my Jason Mraz CD that I bought. My friends always say that at 11:11 or any time when all the numbers are the same, you are supposed to make a wish. I did, and my wish is that all the people I love would love me just as much. Let's hope it comes true. I really hope it does because for the past 5 or 6 months that's all I have really wanted. God say in His word that love is the strongest emotion and I completely agree. I just wish more people could feel that emotion. It seems to be the thing our world needs most. Love, wow, it's awesome. It is the one thing that never seems to fail. Well, REAL love doesn't anyway. There are all these misconceptions of what the world thinks it is. Like: sex, going out, dating, kissing, etc. Love is the purest thing you can ever feel. It is that feeling in your stomach that seems to say "I cannot live without this." It is what you feel in your heart, that no matter how much you want to, you can't ignore it. It is what made the savior of us all die in the most inhumane and humiliating way possible. Love, like I said it's just awesome. Well this is a good first entry. So now I'm gonna keep on listenin to this rockin awesome CD and hit the sack.
Saturday, February 14, 2004
"We only live once and we never know when life is just going to end. If it is in God's will, I could die tomorrow or even now as I am typing this, and that scares me because I'm afraid that people will never know how much they mean to me and how much I love them. I think there are so many people out there who don't know that I love them and thats definitely a bad thing. I think I'm feeling this because God wants me to feel it and it is something I just can't get off my mind (apparently, since I've been talking about it so much). So I guess I feel like I should tell everyone because we only live once and life could be over in a heartbeat and that's one of the reasons I wrote down some of the lyrics from Meant to Live up there because I honestly believe that we WERE meant to live for so much moreSo tomorrow or sometime this week just go up to someone and tell them how much they mean to you because life is a precious thing and it is something that should not be wasted"
Tuesday, March 9, 2004
"God really answered our prayers. God totally blew me away with this one, but I guess He always does. And I also have more good news. I am getting baptized on Sunday and I cannot wait. If anyone reading this wants to come I would love for you to be there."
Saturday
Jonah 2:7
"When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, Lord, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple.
Never be afraid to turn to God with your problems. He will solve them.
Saturday, March 13, 2004
"'Then Jesus said to his disciples: 'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, the body more than clothes.' Yeah, pretty cool huh? A lot of our lives are wasted on pointless things like that. Once again 'We Were Meant to Live for So Much More'."
God has shown me that I am where I am for a purpose and that I should be content with that purpose instead of complaining about it. Every hole I am put in, He lifts me out. He saves me from the world and all that is in it. I long so much to be with Him now than here, but I know that that would not be fulfilling to His will. So I guess I should just keep pressin on until that day arrives. 5:30, March 14
Monday, March 15, 2004
"Well, I got baptized last night, and it was awesome."
Psalm 34:19-20
"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken."
If you are committed to God and his commandments you will go through hard times, but in the end, everything will be better.
Sunday, March 28, 2004
"I got an answer from God that I have really been looking for. I always wondered why I have to worry about people's problems to the point to where I make them my own problems. People were always like 'Just don't worry about it' and 'It's their problem so they should deal with it' And then they would say whether I cared about them or not, I shouldn't worry about it because it's not my responsibility. But I still felt like it was. I realized that everything is in God's hands and he makes things the way he wants them. But I also learned that that doesnt mean we have to just sit back and only worry about ourselves or nothing at all. We are God's disciples for a reason. It is us who are supposed to change the world, and how are we going to do that if we are apathetic about everything. God showed me this through The Purpose Driven Life. I was reading and then there was a verse that said: 'The thing that has made me most upset is that I care about you so much-This is the passion of God burning inside of me!' I was completely floored that the thing I thought was a burden was actually a blessing. Well, God is awesome"
Love, love, love, and more love. God has given it to me above all else and I am holding it in instead of spreading it. God, just break me please! Break me to the point where I know if I do not take up my cross and follow you I will perish. That is my prayer. God is here with me all the time and I take it for granted. It is all being ________ right now. How much I used to think I was a good disciple and I was following God enough, but the truth is it will never be enough to compare to what he did for me. How stupid I was I to be content with my relationship with God? I should never feel like it is just good enough. I should always strive to make my relationship with Him better. I can't even pout into words how I feel. Emotion after emotion is flooding through me, and it is going so fast. I know that the main one is, of course love. But not just any love, it is God's love. In a matter of just 30 minutes He has completely changed my life AGAIN. I have felt this love over time and time again, but this time I will try my hardest to never let it go. 9:29 PM, March 30
I guess I am starting to become more and more content with the way things are and it feels fantastic. I really just need to keep on leaving things in God's hands and it will all turn out right in the end. Right now I just feel calm, relaxed, optimistic, and best of all, happy. So, Journal, I leave you with a big goofy smile. April 13, 10:57 PM
"I lift you high and bow down low. How high can you be, how low can I go?" April 18, 5:30 PM
Things got better. Because God made them better. He will never give me more than I can bear. I have learned to pray and do what I can, and if things dont change just let it be. Because in the end I know that that is Gods will for me. Another things I have learned is to just be joyous, optimistic, and thankful for what god has given me. If a trial comes I should welcome it with open arms and persevere through it because I know, just like everything else, it has a purpose. Optimism and happiness are two awesome things. If I worry about my life and stress over my problems, the world will pass me by in the blink of an eye. I prayed for hope in my life and God gave it to me. April 22, 11:35 AM
I finished A Walk Across America and I absolutely loved it. In the book (which is a true account), Peter Jenkins walks across America (obviously) to find the truth about himself and his country. Of course, he does not do this alone; he takes his malamute dog Cooper. Cooper is awesome. It is almost like Peter and Cooper have this crazy psychedelic connection thing going on. It is insane! But, of course, the dog has to die close to the end of the book. I was so sad. It sucked a lot because I am a BIG dog person. Anyways, at the end of the book, Peter finally gets close to his destination and then he becomes a Christian (which is rockin awesome). And when he does finally reach his destination, he meets a fantastic girl and gets married. This book rulesoh and one more thingI AM GETTING MY BRACES OFF TOMORROW!!! 1:58 PM, April 22
I remember the night after Ellen died I was so depressed because of everything Amy was going through and it hurt me to know that the person I had just held hands with last week in House of Prayer had just been killed in a car wreck. Paul asked me if I wanted to go over to his house and grab a necklace that he had made. I said "Sure," and we left my house in his truck. On the way, we started talking about it and how he said he went through almost the same thing about a half a year ago when Brittney Fuson was killed. He ended up making me feel a lot better. He and Ashley always try to relate to me and make me feel better. They are great people and I don't know what life would be like without them. 2:10 AM, May 2
I am downstairs eating butter pecan ice cream. Man, do I hate pecans. I thought the ice cream would make my throat feel better but it doesn't. I had an extremely weird dream last night. Like crazy weird. Like I have never had another dream quite like it. But I can't put my finger on what made it so different. It had so much meaning in it and I really can't explain how I feel about it. And I am not the kind of person to believe that dreams predict things about my life but there was just something about this one. I mean it just seemed special. Who know? All I know is that it was crazy. Wow, I am kind of in a weird mood. I am really happy and really sad at the same time. I guess being home sick gave me a lot of time to think about things. One of the things is where God places us in our lives. It seems like some people are born into happiness and spirituality and others are just born into no hope. But this is just one of those things I should not question and that I should leave in Gods hands. I definitely need to pray about some stuff tomorrow with all of the free time I am gonna have since I am not going to school. Well I am going to hit the sack. Who knows, maybe I will have another crazy dream. Cheers. 12:03 AM, May 4
I love this song. It is At Last by Jason Mraz and it rules. Man, there is nothing like listening to your favorite tunes and channeling all of your emotions by writing. I love it. I am becoming more of a mellow guy day by day and its completely cool with me. Hakuna Matata is all I have to say. For some reason life just seems so surreal. I feel like I am in an endless dream, not that that is a bad thing. Dreams rock my socks off. Life just doesnt seem real anymore. Not that it is really really bad or really really good. It is just weird. Things are happening that I never in my wildest dreams expected. Like it seems everywhere I go I make a new friend, which is awesome, but I just never expected to have this many. But it rules. I guess like that quote says: I was liked and what a difference it made. I am not saying that being popular is extremely important, but really whats wrong with having friends out the wazzu? I personally think its pretty freakin rad. Well I guess life is going good. I am once again going to leave you but not without lyrics to an awesome song.
But who are we is who we all are. Oh when the act of love can get us so far. It only gets better, youll see. And promise me youll only be better.
-Better by Jason Mraz
God has given me grace in a way no one else has. He told me that I cant be looked down upon just because of my age. Age does not mean wisdom. Man, but I really wish I was like all the other 14 year old guys out there. Instead of being a 20 year old in a 14 year old body. But it really is a blessing. I know God has done it for a purpose. Maybe one of the biggest purposes in my entire life. And I have quite a few friends who are way older than me and that I can really look up to. Like Josh Carroll, Daniel, Deal, Darrel, and some other people. I really dont think they know how much I look up to them and care for them. Especially Josh Carroll and Daniel because they both treat me like an equal instead of someone who is younger and more immature. Maybe God has put them in my life to show just how much of a blessing maturity is.
1 John 3:16
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."
Christ gave up his life for us so we can live. We should honor him by loving one another as He loved us.
Tuesday
Romans 15:5
"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves..."
God gives you things that are obvious, but he also gives you unity with other people who also follow Christ. I think sometimes we take this gift for granted.
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
"Please keep on praying for Greyson. Tonight was really emotional and I was feeling pretty down because of some stuff with my friends at school, with Greyson, and I was also starting to worry about some of my relationships with my friends at church. And then someone came up to me and said 'You know what, Bruce?', and I said 'What?', and they said 'I love you, man.' And it was just one of those moments where one compliment can lift your whole day up. It really made me feel better. I think that's one of the times where God never gives you more than you can handle and always lifts you up when you most need it"
Whoa what a crazy life I live. I really have so much going through my head / heart / spirit that I cant keep up. Talk about confusing. I really need to pour everything our on paper but I have some major praying to do. Love you like a fat kid loves cake. 11:07 PM, May 19
Well I am at M-Fuge and I just had my quiet time. Sometimes it is really hard to tell what God is calling you to do. We are into the second day of M-Fuge and I love it. I think God is going to do some amazing things this week. And I feel like He is really going to speak to me this week. But before He can do that I need to clear my head. A lot is going on in my mind and I need to be more focused on Him. Well I got to go. So, later.
June 5, 9:15
This week has really been incredible and I think I am actually starting to figure myself out. I never knew I would make so many awesome friends in just two days. I have met some really kind and accepting people. God has been really speaking to me this week and its amazing how much I have learned about myself and Him this week. Maybe that was the purpose this week.
June 7, 5:45pm
Well I got back from M-Fuge today. It was definitely an emotional and spiritual week. Right now I cant say I am really happy. I am starting to think there is something really wrong with me. Like I might need to get on anti-depressants or something. I wish I could just look on the bright side of things, like how I just entered a whole new step in my relationship with Christ but I keep on insisting to be pessimistic. The usual things are bothering me: relationships, guilt, love, and apathy. I hope I am strong enough to endure the tests God is putting me through. But I know right when I am about to fall into the depths of the world He will lift me up like so many times before, even though I dont deserve it. I am really going to miss all of the friends I made at M-Fuge. They were such awesome people. I mean these people befriended me in just one week and treated me like they had known me their whole life. Things just never seem to be fair. I only pray that I can see them sometime again in my life. Whether they know it or not, God really used them to help me and give me more hope for the world and myself. This past week has shown me a lot of things, and God told me what I need to fix and what I need to do. Please let me win the goals of life for Him and not for myself.
June 11, 6:15pm
Man life sure is an amazing thing. Sometimes when your think a day is gonna blow something astounding will happen that can change your life. A lot of times these things will be people that say the simplest things. Other times it can be all of the beauties God has put in your life. Its insane. God has done so much for me. I asked Him to please give me older friends that I could relate too and just be able to have people to talk to and He did it! He puts people in my life like: Josh, Deal, Daniel, Nathan, Darrell, Paul, Jennifer, Cindy, Stephanie, and theres even more! I was shocked at how easy it became for me to make new friends. God is so awesome. And Hes even started to make me more and more important in the youth. God is just doing so much for me right now. So life is going great at the moment.
June, 3:19 AM
Well I guess things are still going good. They are not exactly as good as they were but they are still all around good. Ok so I am watching Spiderman tonight and it comes to the part where Green Goblin is going to kill the kids and Mary-Jane and he says to Spiderman: We are who we choose to be now choose! So I am thinking to myself how true that is. How we make choices every day that determine the outcome of our lives. But then there are the other choices that are not so common. The ones we have to make that not only determine the outcome of our lives but also define who we are as people. We all will eventually come to a point where there are only two choices: the right way and the wrong way, ying and yang, darkness and light, love and hate, the narrow path and the broad path. In that time you will accept who you are and who you have always been. Wow, who knew a line from Spiderman could be so philosophical.
June 29, 12:18am
Ok now I am going to talk about sleep again. I took 2 naps today and almost 3. I dont know why I was so tired. But let me tell you, the sleep was wonderful. I had some fantastic dreams but only one stands out to me in my mind. ---- I am suddenly getting the feeling that God is trying to speak to me. Not through this dream or anything but just in general. I need to listen but its becoming harder and harder for me to just be patient and listen for his voice. I guess I have some praying and waiting to get to.
July 2, 12:02am
Life is so full of emotions. Good and bad. We are faced with them every day. Right now I am filled with them. Life sure can get complicated sometimes. But I guess it is nothing that a much needed, oversized bowl of Apple Jacks cant fix.
July 4, 12:23 AM
Well life is going pretty good. But it almost looks like night outside because of the storms but its all good because storms are cool and relaxing. Some people say that rain is Gods tears. If this is true then God must be really upset lately. I think sometimes we forget that God has emotions just like we do. We forget that the actions we do can affect Him. I think my life is hard, but just imaging all of your sons and daughters betraying you every minute of every day. Now that is depressing. But it goes vice-versa as well. We can also make God happy by the pure and just things we do. I guess all we have to do is choose what our heart tells us and have faith that it is right.
July 5, 5:13 PM
Thursday, July 15, 2004
"Fatesomething that is not really that easy to explain. In a way it is a purpose of gigantic proportions. There are instances in everyone's lives where they experience it. You decide to stop by the water fountain on your way to class, and while you are getting a drink, a girl bumps into you and drops her books. You stop and help her pick up her books, and she says 'Thanks!'; you casually shrug it off and say 'No problem.' Then, as you are beginning to walk off, she taps you on the shoulder and introduces herself, so, of course, you do the same. Then she asks you to do something with her after school. You say yes and out of that seemingly insignificant meeting a relationship is made that will last a lifetime. Nowif you had never decided to take that extra 10 to 15 seconds to quench your thirstwould you and this remarkable person ever have met? If we spend our whole lives just floating through life and never taking the precious time to look at the big picture, we could miss out on a lot and never actually realize how fantastic the life God has granted us really is, and how everything in life has a purpose and how it all relates to fate."
Thursday, July 22, 2004
"Have any of you ever thought about last words? Well I was just sitting in the car today thinking about the last words of someone's life and what those words will leave behind. They would be filled with 'I love yous' and 'I'll miss yous'. But this is not just me. You never heard of people's last words being insults or slandersthey are almost always a loving and compassionate farewell. Because I think that in those last few breaths of our life, we realize that all of the bickering, fighting, arguing, and just plain hatred that plagued our lives were for nothing. It never made life better. It never blessed anyone's day. All it did was cause more pain and more regret. In those last few breaths, we also realize how deeply God has blessed us with his love and with the amazing people that made our life worth living. So, naturally, after we realize all of these things, our last words are not filled with loathing or hatred but with love and a certain kind of peace because we know that these final moments will be used to tell the people that love us how much we truly love them"
Ok, I have never really thought of how beautiful and complex the world God made for us really is. How he made every molecule and cell fit together to make a purpose. How every rock, tree, river, and ocean was made by God for a reason. As I am writing this I am sitting beside a creek at CFuge and I take time to really notice how nothing on this earth is truly simple. I can already tell that if I truly focus on God this week He can really show me some answers that I have been looking for.
July 28, ? AM
Thursday
Isaiah 40:28
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary and his understanding no one can fathom.
If your family, friends, or anyone else is not there for you, God will always be there. He understands you better than anyone else. He can give you strength and guidance for whatever you are going through.
Hebrews 4:13
Nothing in all creation is hidden from Gods sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
Sometimes people think they can get away with things if no one else is watching. But God is always watching. You cannot get away with things because God will punish you for things you have done.
WednesdayPsalm 106:1 "Praise the Lord. Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; his love endures forever."Thank God for everything He has given you because He loves you more than anyone else.
Friday, August 13, 2004
"For the longest time, when asked the question, 'Why does God let bad things happen?' , I had no answerbut now I do. Yes, seemingly, it would be a great world without sin and evil, but when you actually take time to analyze this world, you realize how lifeless and emotionless it would be. If we always lived our life in a constant state of happiness and there were no ups and downs in life, we would really never be happy at all. Because without evil there cannot be righteousness, without bad there cannot be good, without ying there cannot be yang, and most of all, without hate there cannot be love. Think of this so-called perfect worldit would be a world of emotionless machines, because we would always be in one constant state of emotion and nothing would ever change. But the main reason God made the world the way it is because otherwise love would not exist. God made us beings with a choice. If we were all (like I mentioned up there) machines, and had no choice, there would not be real genuine love. There would just be a feeling we always had only because we had NO OTHER WAY to feel. Hard to understand, I know, but try to follow me here. But since God made us to have choices, we know that there are two different paths we can choose. The people who truly love God and what he stands for will go down one road, and the people who do not accept God for who he is will go down the other. God made two roads because he knew that the people that were truly his disciples would choose the one that led to him. Ultimately, life comes down to choices and nothing more. We make very common choices everyday that will determine the final outcome of our lives, but then there are the ones that are not so common; the choices that not only determine the outcome of our lives, but also define who we are as people. The kinds of choices that leave lasting impacts on people and possibly even the world. Day by day, God gives us his infallible wisdom on how to best handle these life changing decisions. Now it all comes down to one of those critical choices. Will you listen?"
