June 11, 2004 – 6:15 pm
Well I got back from M-Fuge today. It was definitely an emotional and spiritual week. Right now I can’t say I am really happy. I am starting to think there is something really wrong with me. Like I might need to get on anti-depressants or something. I wish I could just look on the bright side of things, like how I just entered a whole new step in my relationship with Christ but I keep on insisting to be pessimistic.
The usual things are bothering me:
relationships, guilt, love, and apathy
I hope I am strong enough to endure the tests God is putting me through. But I know right when I am about to fall into the depths of the world He will lift me up like so many times before, even though I don’t deserve it. I am really going to miss all of the friends I made at M-Fuge. They were such awesome people. I mean these people befriended me in just one week and treated me like they had known me their whole life.
Things just never seem to be fair. I only pray that I can see them sometime again in my life. Whether they know it or not, God really used them to help me and give me more hope for the world and myself.
This past week has shown me a lot of things, and God told me what I need to fix and what I need to do.
Please let me win the goals of life for Him and not for myself.